Flintstone's Jokes

These r for when ur bored or whatev...\

1. Q: Why is basketball the grossest sport there is?
A: Because they dribble all over the court.

2. Two guys are committing a robbery. One of them is inside getting the money, the other is waiting in the getaway car. The man in the car is nervous because his partner hasn't come out yet.
Finally, the doors of the bank burst open... out comes the partner, lugging a large safe tied up with a rope. As they are getting in the car, the doors to the bank burst open a second time. The security guard comes out. His pants are around his ankles, and he is shooting his gun at the two men in the car.
The man who was in the getaway car starts yelling at his partner: “I knew you'd mess up! You always mess up! I told you to BLOW the SAFE and TIE UP the GUARD!!!

3. This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his pen*s and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything.
About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his pen*s and wiped it off. The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it."

Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?" Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained.

"Really, what do you take for that?" she asked.

Ian replied, "Pepper."


4. A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

5. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought "Dunkin' Donuts" was a basketball team.

Hope u like 'em

once i saw a poor man on strike not to eat free food from mcdonalds

nice one, u figured out to post good job!

i was saw someone holding up a sign that (instead of "will work for food") said "will eat for food"

i think u made that up cause u love food!!!

those jokes are slightly rude!

1. There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?" The boy replied, "I don't know." At that time he hears his mom calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, "What is a penis?" The dad whips his out and says to the boy, "This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis." The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods. The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, "This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!"

2. A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!

3. A young boy and his grandfather went fishing one afternoon, after a couple of hours of fishing, the grandfather opened a can of beer, the grandson noticed and asked, "Grandpa, can I have a sip of your beer?" His grandfather looked at him and said, "Grandson, Is your penis long enough to touch your butt?" The grandson replied, "No!"
"Then you're not old enough.", said the grandfather.
A couple of more hours went by, and the grandfather lit a cigarette. Again the grandson noticed and asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigarette"? The grandfather replied, "Is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" Again the grandson replied, "No!"
"Well you're not big enough to smoke yet.", said the grandfather.
About an hour had passed and it began to get late, so the grandfather decided to pack it up and head for home. On their way home they stopped at a store, grandpa bought two lottery tickets and gave his grandson one. Grandpa scratched his off, but didn't win anything, The grandson scratched his off and won $10,000. Grandpa was all happy and surprised that his grandson had won and he asked, "Are you going to give some of that money to grandpa?" The boy looked at him and replied, "Grandpa, is your penis big enough to touch your butt?" Grandpa looked at him for a moment, then replied, "YES!"
"Good, then go fuck yourself!", said the grandson.

4. A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Bernie Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.
"Oh my god!" she screamed, "Bernie Schwartz is dead!"

5. A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, "Hot Lips and Tender Kisses."
When she gets home she's very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music store to see if they have the record. Hurriedly, and excitedly, she dials the store's number. But in her excitement, she unknowingly misdialed and got an auto repair shop instead.
"Hello," the mechanic answers.
"Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?" the girl asks.
The mechanic was puzzled, but says, "Well, no, but I've got hot pants and seven inches."
"Oh, is that a record?" she says.
"No," he says, "but it's better than average."

all of those r funny but long!!! i <3 them

long ones are the best if u no what i mean